The Kind of You That Matters

And really does.

1. The clock on your nightstand shows 1 hour late than when you were supposed to wake up. You curse yourself — just loud enough for you to hear it — and get half-ready for the zoom call starting in ten. You spill your coffee on your favorite shirt while hurrying up. You close your eyes for a moment, and think about what a mess you are. While thinking about all the mess in life, you show up for the call. Your colleague shows up late; you tell them how it is totally understandable.
2. Money gets deducted for the gym membership you signed up for. You look at the screen, wondering when was the last time you used the gym. You then measure your waist, thighs, muscles, every inch of your existence. You wonder if carrying the weight of not being able to fit counts. You see a post trending about body positivity, and leave five hearts on it.
3. You console your friend while they grieve for not being able to ‘be all’. You tell them how amazing they are, you call them all the loving adjectives you have stored for others: for the lady at the coffee shop, the old man next door, the influencer you saw on the internet. You wonder what loving adjectives you have for yourself; you remember none.
4. You encounter everything going opposite of what you thought. You almost think what a mess you are, how you don’t ‘fit’, and how you have nothing good to say about yourself. You then remember, the only kind of you that matters is where you are kind to yourself, like you are to others.